Push up Pops
by Glitterrock
Summary: Resubmitted: Spoilers if you never watched the movie, then why would you be reading this? Basically the whole movie with humoris commentary by cute woodlin creatures.


Push Up Pops

Chapter 1

Gwen, and Krit where shot like cannon balls across a room in a hat shop. The women that were working in the shop didn't notice the two creatures even after they landed. So a couple of the woman working in the shop picked up the two and tried sewing them on to hats with other decretive items.

_"Bull shit I am not going on a hat!" _Krit screamed but all the woman heard was squeaking.

"Ahhhh, this fox is still alive." screamed the woman, "Kill it!"

_"What?!" _Krit screamed and jumped off trying to find a place to hide. Gwen just played dead and hoped to god that she wouldn't be sewn to a hat, but then one of the other woman yelled out, "Look it's Howl's castle!" the woman seemed to forget about the animals and ran to the window to look at it.

_"Let's run for it," _Krit said as she grabbed Gwen from the table and ran into a room that had a person sewing hats by herself. When Howl's castle was finished moving by the women in the shop completely forgot about the two animals that they learned were not dead, so they left the shop giggling.

The woman in the room just sighed as she looked at another hat and than decided that she would leave so Krit asked as the woman was walking out of the room, _"Think we should follow the woman that didn't try to sew us to a hat?" _

_"Sure why not, wait isn't that Sophie?"_

_"Come on before she gets away" _

Gwen then jumped on Krit's back and said, _"Onward steed!"_

_"Why the hell are you on my back?" _Krit asked.

_"Shut up I can't move as fast as you or Sophie can."_

_"Fine, but I'll get you back later."_ and with that Krit took off running after Sophie.

_"Dose she even know where she is going?" _asked Krit seeing that Sophie seem somewhat lost, and a couple of soldiers seemed to think so as well.

_"That guys mustache is freakish," _said Gwen.

_"Rip it off then," _and with that Krit threw Gwen at the man's face. Grabbing it she tried to pull it off; Krit started laughing at the sight in front of her. What was even funnier was that the man didn't even notice the mole pulling on his mustache, Sophie noticed as a look of horror crossed her face. Then Gwen fell off still holding a few hairs as a blond man cam up behind Sophie.

_"He has a pink coat," _said Gwen, _"and why is he warring it with out his arms in the sleeves?"_ Then Krit picked up Gwen and shoved her in one of the empty sleeves. _"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!"_ yelled Gwen, but then the man started to walk so Krit had to bite the sleeve that Gwen was in so she wouldn't fall out as they were walking. All of a sudden the man started running dragging Sophie with him. This confused Krit, until she looked behind her and saw what was chasing them. _**What the hell are those!**_ thought Krit. Gwen didn't think that, all she thought,_** when I get out of this sleeve I am going to bite Krit in the nose and see how she likes it.**_

After a little bit the blond man jumped up into the air holding Sophie, Krit squeaked in surprise when they were air born yet they weren't falling back down to the ground. While in the air Krit thought, _**this defies all of Newton's Laws! And why isn't Sophie worried about people looking up her dress?**_ Luckily no one looked up.

When Howl landed down on to a balcony Krit let go of the sleeve and Gwen fall out soon after that.

_"You fucking ass hole you had a hold of my nose you shit head how do you like it?" _Gwen than proceeded to bite Krit right on the nose. Krit squeaked in pain then when Sophie started climbing through a window to get inside Gwen let go and Krit tried flipping Gwen off but it didn't work like Krit wanted it to since she had paws.

The two got in through the window, well Gwen was launched through the window and hit the other wall and Krit jumped up through and landed on Gwen who had rebounded off the opposite wall.

_"I hate you."_ Gwen said while Krit squished her.

_"Oh shut up,"_ said Krit getting off of Gwen as a hyperactive girl cam running toward Sophie and talking about something that wasn't very interesting in Krit's opinion.

_"Hey isn't this place a bakery?"_ asked Krit.

_"Yah so."_

_"I smell munchies and crunches," _said Krit running down stairs.

_"Hey you dumb ass wait for me!" _but Krit didn't hear Gwen yelling, because she was already sneaking cookies out of the back room. Grumbling, Gwen waddled/rolled down stairs. Seeing there was to many people in the front room she rolled to the back rooms, ware she found Sophie talking to her sister, _**I could stick with Sophie and Krit would eventually show up or. . . **_ her thought was cut off with a very familiar smell,_** . . . chocolate.**_

When she got into the kitchen, she saw Krit up on a shelf eating out of a fruit basket.

_"Why would there be fruit in a bakery?"_

_"Pies, fruitcake and other wonderful munchies and crunches," _

_"I smell chocolate, ware is it?" _demanded Gwen. Krit jumped down to Gwen, and picking her up and threw her into a big pot.

_"In there waddles!" _laughed Krit as Gwenlanded into the pot of hot chocolate fudge.

_"OW ITS HOT GET ME OUT OF HERE! I'M DROWING IN THE WONDERFUL CHOCOLATY GOODNESS!"_ laughing a bit Krit said, _"I would like one chocolate mole please," _while she pulled Gwen out of the pot. The chocolate hardened almost as soon as it hit the open air.

Unable to move anything but her nose and toes Gwen said, _"I hope you burn in the fiery pits of hell."_ Being amused by Gwen's current state, she took her over to a box, _"you wouldn't dare!" _but it was to late Krit had put Gwen in a box and tied it shut with a bright red ribbon.

_"Awwwww what a pretty little present," _the box moved a little and Krit could hear incoherent mumbling that sound similar to kill, burn, and die. Picking up the box and putting it in the basket along with a few other boxes of chocolate, and cakes. Krit some how managed to tie a blue ribbon around her own neck, then wrote a note: _to Sophie. _Feeling happy with herself she jumped into the basket and pulled a towel over herself. One of the backer saw the basket soon after and took it to Sophie before she left, figuring it was something from her sister she took the basket and started to walk home.

It was night before they got back to the shop; Krit woke up when Sophie put the basket on the ground as she came inside. Peeking out from under the towel Krit saw a fat woman come into the shop. _**So whales CAN come up on land, I knew it!**_ Soon after she, he, it came in she started to insult Sophie. _**Well that's not very nice,**_ thought Krit as Sophie tried to get the hag out of the shop, then all of a sudden the whale became transparent and flew at Sophie. _**PHANTOM WHALES! **_Krit was trying to hide until the evil whale lady left, when she herd the door close she once again looked out from under the towel.

All she saw was a really old lady standing ware Sophie had been standing. Curios Krit watched and soon figured out that the old lady was Sophie._** Umm wow that is kind of freaky, **_ seeing this as a opportunity to hide the basket and herself she pulled the basket up to Sophie's room and put it into the corner.

The next morning, Krit woke up to a lady knocking on the door, Sophie gave her an excuse to leave her alone. Apparently deciding that she was going to run away, Sophie stared to get ready to leave. _**Fuck! What am I supposed to do, this basket is bigger than me! How am I going to follow her! **_

Running down the stairs quickly, Krit got four old empty thread spools, and a long cord. Fixing the spools to the bottom of the basket so that it would have little wheels; then tied the cord to the basket and pulled it behind her while she followed Sophie.

After a few hours of travel they were all up into the mountains; Sophie had stopped to have lunch. Krit ate a cake and hit the box Gwen was in to make sure she was still alive. Apparently she had gotten all of the chocolate around her mouth.

_"I hate you, ware are we?"_

_"I don't know I was just fallowing Sophie."  
"You're an idiot."_

All of a suddenly realizing that Sophie had gotten to get a stick Krit got up and followed. After a bit of straining Sophie pulled a scarecrow out of the bush.

_"Thank you I have been stuck there for days, and oh you can't hear me either can you?" _

"Your heads a turnip, I've always hated turnips ever since I was little, at least your not up-side-down now, so long." and with that Sophie started to walk away.

_"wait I'm a prince and I . . ."_

_"Dude she can't hear you so give it up."_

_"You. . . You can hear me!"_

_"Yes, yes anyway I . . ."_

_"I must find my true love! To break this spell, and your under a spell to I know I can TELL is your like mine, IT IS DESTINY! GIMMIE A KISS"  
". . . what the fuck are you on?"_

_"But, aren't you under a spell to?"_

_"No." _

This seemed to shut the scarecrow up, but for only a few seconds before he stared talking again. _"So what are you, a demon?"_

_"You could say that but not exactly; ANYWAY what I was trying to ask you was could you help me?"_

_"With what?" _asked the prince.

_"Could you carry my basket while I sit in it; I'm tired and I am having trouble keeping up with Sophie."  
"That old women that helped me?"  
"yes and your should help her to."  
"how," _he asked as Krit walked back over to the basket and jumped in.

_"first pick up my basket," _he did this almost instantly

_"Ok now what?"  
"Get Sophie a cane and then follower her."_

Soon the Prince had stolen a cane from one of the little farm houses back at the bottom of the mountain. Then they were off to find Sophie again; it didn't take to long she hadn't gone to far and veggie head was a lot faster. Sophie was surprised to see the cane and very thankful, then she told turnip brain to go and find her a place to stay.

_"Find a place stay, find a place to stay, find a place to stay for the old lady yes."_

_"You have a one track mind don't you?" _said Krit lazily from the basket.

_"Found a place to stay!"_ this catching Krit's attention, she looked up to see a giant walking junkyard.

_"That looks unsanitary," _

_"Here is the door go inside and be happy."_

_"This is the door? It looks like wrong end of a giant junk yard beetle!"_

_"GET SOPHIE! Get Sophie, get Sophie," _with that he hopped away.

Figuring that Sophie would soon be here, judging by how the turnip brain was acting. Krit wheeled the basket into the junkyard beetle, and put it by the fire place.

_"Hey Krit can I come out of the box yet?" _asked Gwen from inside the box.

_"I don't think you want to."  
"Why?"  
"I have never seen so many spiders in my life."  
". . . it is nice in this box, I rather like it in here"_

"Hey what are you two?" started Krit looked up at the fireplace. Then jumped up and looked at the fire.

_"I want to touch it," _Krit tried to touch the fire but she burned her paw, _"ow mean fire mean, I dump water on you!"_

"Wait you can't do that, and I am a fire I can't really help burning things, in fact for letting you in, could you hand me a peace of wood?"  
_"you know what the problem is with trying to pick something like that up?"  
_"what?"  
Krit held up her paws to the fire and shouted happily, _"you need thumbs!" _then she fell off fireplace laughing. Then she herd something at the door, "_that must be Sophie, let her in she's a lot nicer than me, and if you don't I really will pour water on you;" _this frightened the little fire enough to let the door open.

Almost as soon as Sophie came in she put more wood one the fire, _"told you she was a lot nicer." _Seeing she was right he decided to make pleasant conversation with Sophie. Which consisted of exchanging of normal information and random deals and so on, but Sophie could only stay awake for so long.

_"So your name is Calcifer, nice name mines Krit."_

"Oh thanks so who is in the box I knew I heard a voice coming from the box." Krit put her ear up to the box and herd snoring.

_"That is Gwen and she is sleeping right now so I'll just leave her in there."  
_"An what is she?" asked Calcifer a little worried.

_"A mole." _Krit took the little note off that said _to Sophie, _and wrote a new note: _These two need a good home please take care of them. _

"you're a free loader aren't you."  
_"Yes, but I am a cute freeloader!" _and with that Krit went back into the basket and fell asleep.

Chapter 2

The next day a child came running down the stairs to answer the door. The pounding of a child's feet woke Gwen up from with in her box, _"Krit I need to pee. Krit! I'll fucking kill you if you don't let me out of here!" _Krit was just lying in her basket snoring away.

"Hey who is this lady?"

"Portheaven door." the boy hurried towards the door while putting on a disguise. When the door opened Krit rolled out of the basket that she was sleeping in and landed on the floor with a loud thump.

_"What? Who's attacking?! Please don't kill me! I have friends kill them instead! Wait oh hehehe."_

_"Kristin, I'M gonna kill you!" _the box that Gwen was in started coming of the edge of the fire place and than landed on the ground close to where Krit was just laying.

As all of this was going on Sophie and Markl where discussing something between themselves and a small girl.

_"Krit I need to go pee." _Gwen whined from the box.

_"Fine" _So Krit threw the box up the stairs and followed after it, at the top of the stairs Krit let Gwen out of the box and ran back down the stairs to see what she could do. _"I wonder what I can do, Tea would be good." _Krit thought as she was looking around the house for food.

"don't you want to have some bacon and eggs?" Sophie said to Markl.

_"Food!"_ Krit said excitedly.

As Sophie was trying to get Calcifer to help her cook, Cal saw two ears come up over the side of the fire place, then a pair of grey eyes.

_"I'm hungry, make food or a bucket of water is the least of your worries," _then Krit slowly went down out of Calcifer's site. This pretty much ended the argument as Calcifer was forced to cook breakfast. Hopping up on the chair with all the food and started handing a bacon piece to Sophie. Smiling she took it and patted Krit on the head; then when her back was turned Krit stole another piece of bacon and ran under the table with it.

Gwen fell down the stairs and rolled under the table to ware Krit was eating her bacon.

_"Ware did you get that!?" _asked Gwen realizing that she was also hungry.

_"you want some?"  
"Not raw no, that's sick."_ finishing up her bacon she heard Sophie say "tea" and she was instantly over there again. Then all of a sudden, while Markl was digging in a pile of dusty metal, the door opened to reveal the man that had helped Sophie the other day. Seeing this Krit ran toward him, sat up on her hind legs and looked cute and squeaked at him; but instead of being pet he causally pushed her out of the way with his foot.

Stunned, Krit got up out of the pile of dirt she had fallen into, _"you will regret doing that pretty boy, you may have won the battle, but you wont live long enough to see the war!"_ with that she ran back under the table. Being one of only two people that could hear her, Calcifer was a little bit disturbed by what he had herd.

_"Your going to be causing trouble the entire time you are here aren't you?" _asked Gwen watching Krit stare at Howl's ankle, snapping her teeth _"You know he is a wizard, he could blow off your head if you tired what I think your going to try to do," _Gwen said noticing that Howl was making even more bacon, _"you know on second thought run up there and bite him __**'maybe he will drop the bacon'**__"_

_"No I will think of something better," _then Krit picked up Gwen and moved to the top of the table ware they were staring to serve breakfast, but then noticed that they weren't serving any for them. _ "How rude, not even a little for either of us."  
"I want some bacon," _whined Gwen, while Krit poured herself a cup of tea.

_"Want some tea?" _

_"No, I don't like it very much, well not like you like it, addict."  
"You don't like tea very much and you can't stand coffee, or milk, what the hell do you drink?!"_

_"Water, kool aid, and cola."_

_"Whatever,"_ said Krit ending the conversation by taking a sip of tea. Then Sophie was handing a little red note to Howl, when it popped and fell to the table.

_"He's on fire," _Gwen pointed out dully.

_"He is right about the table thought, and this is actually a really nice table." _ Krit took another sip of tea as they watch Howl be overly dramatic about getting rid of the mark on the table.

_"How does he do that with his hair?"_ asked Gwen, still very uninterested it what was happening. Then Howl got up and scrapped the "scraps" off over Calcifer. Then as the bacon left the plate Gwen flew over Calcifer, grabbed the bacon and landed next to the stairs. Krit was so stunned that she poured her tea on the table. _"Yum bacon," _said Gwen chewing on the bacon.

_"How did you do that?" _asked Krit still rather stunned.

_"Do what?" _said Gwen around a mouth full of bacon.

_"You fucking flew!"_

_"What are you talking about? Howl dropped this piece of bacon and I picked it up; I think you need to go and get your head checked,"_ then she continued to eat her bacon. Krit turned to Calcifer, (who had also seen it) and gave him a stunned look, he shrugged and was about to say something, but a load crash caught everyone's attention. Sophie had pounded the table so hard that a few things had fallen off, and started yelling, then resumes eating with manners that rivaled Markl.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After Breakfast Sophie started cleaning, and not the happy cleaning, it looked more like a war zone.

_"She really is crazy!" _yelled Krit trying to save her basket; but Markl quickly put it outside with a few other things.

_"HELP KRIT SHE IS SWEEPING ME UP INTO A PILE!" _ Krit turned to see Gwen being swepped up into a giant pile of dusty thing. Krit tried to grab Gwen out of the pile but was hit with the broom and ended up in a different pile, and then was soon covered in more junk. Freeing her head she was able to spot Gwen about a foot away, _"Help the dust sharks have me!" _pulling herself free, Krit grabbed Gwen out of the pile, and jumped up onto the top of a bookshelf to get out of Sophie's way. _"She nearly killed me!" _complained Gwen as they watched Sophie continue on her rampage.

_"She's fast, already staring on mopping the floors," _competed Krit.

_"Cal is going out, should we help him?" _asked Gwen.

_"Why? I'm getting bored up here anyway and finally something is happening."_

_"Well it looks like Sophie is taking care of it."  
"No she is making it worst," _laughed Krit watching Calcifer trying to balance on a little charred piece of wood. _"and down he goes," _laughed Krit, as Calcifer fell into the bottom of the little kettle thing that he had been balancing over; however he was soon saved by Howl, who had come down the stairs.

_"NOOOOOOO my amusement has been stolen from me!" _cried Krit.

_"You are very twisted." _commented Gwen, _"Ah Howl is leaving."  
"More like flying, he just flew out the door into what looked like hell."_

Seeing as Sophie was done cleaning the main room Gwen and Krit put their beds next to Calcifer. As Sophie went up the stair Gwen tried to follow, but ended up having to grab Krit's tail as she walked by. This really annoyed Krit, but she soon changed her mind as she let her tail drag and Gwen hit every step going up.

_"You, ow are the ow defin ow ition ow of jerk!"_

_"And you are the definition of free loader," _said Krit happily as she reached the top of the stairs; grumbling, Gwen crawled to the bathroom ware Sophie was.

_"wow you can really tell that only males lived here," _commented Gwen as Krit walked up.

_"It kind of looks like my bathroom after I dyed my hair a different color every week,"_ commented Krit.

Gwen was about to say something but then Sophie ran out of the bathroom and kicked Gwen down the stairs. This put Krit into a state of uncontrolled laughter, as Gwen hit every single stair as she went down. At the bottom Gwen, got up and started to levitated for a bit, then she shot up the stairs and plowed into Krit; causing them both to fly out the door that Sophie had just opened. Causing both of them to end up under the railing and hanging onto a random stick.

_"What the fuck was that!" _yelled Krit at Gwen, _"you flew again!"  
"Your on crack! moles can't fly you threw us out here, why I don't know your just crazy like that." _

Krit was about to kick Gwen off the stick so that she would fall, then Sophie and Markl pulled the stick up to reveal that what they were hanging onto was in fact the scarecrow. Who pulled himself away and started hopping up and down on the castle, while Gwen and Krit were still hanging onto him but had gotten to his arms now.

_"Hop, hop, hop, I like to hop, but now what do I do, I know! Hop, hop, hop."_

_"I think that turnip is rotting." said Gwen_

"_Hey Gwen."  
"Yah?"  
"Don't look down," _of course Gwen then looked down and she kind of regretted it.

_". . . . GET ME DOWN! MY PERSON IS IN DANGER AND YOU DO NOTHING! YOU STUPID, INFERIOR, HAY FILLED, VEGGIE BRAINED, SHIT ON A STICK! GET ME THE FUCK DOWN!"_

_"What does she want me to do?"_ asked the scarecrow a little wary of the foul mouthed mole hanging onto his arm.

_"Is that Turnip rotting or are you just an idiot normally?" _asked Krit

_"I'm just an idiot normally, now what am I supposed to do," _he said this with much more enthusiasm.

_"When the castle stops put us on the ground and go help Sophie if she needs you."_

When they go to the ground ware Sophie and Markl were, Krit jumped off and into the basket of clean clothing that Sophie was bringing out; Gwen just kind of fell and hit the ground.

_"Their using your basket for their laundry," _laughed Gwen as she got up.

_"Well at least it is CLEAN laundry," _said Krit as she rolled in it, but she was soon interrupted because Sophie wanted the laundry to dry.

_"Were you rolling in wet laundry?"  
". . . yes"_

The day went on as Gwen enjoyed playing in the grass and Krit caused minor problems when everyone was doing chores. The day soon ended and everyone went inside to eat and sleep. But in the middle of the night Gwen and Krit were woken up by Howl as he came inside.

_"Oh god he smells like those baby mice you tried to hide in the heater!" _complained Gwen._  
"So that's ware I left them."_

However Howl didn't pay any attention to them as he sat in front of Calcifer.

_"Why does he look like a bird?"_ asked Krit

_"Well you did say he could fly."_

_"Yes but it sounds painful to change back, so why change at all?"_

_"Are you feeling sorry for him?"_

_"No, just making pleasant observations," _said Krit as she watched Howl like a hawk as he got up and walked away. _"Sophie is going into town tomorrow," _Krit said out of no ware.

_"Yah so?"_

_"Markl will go with her to help out."_

_"Yah and?"_

_"Little Howl will be all alone," _with this said Krit started laughing. Gwen was a little worried, but Calcifer was obviously very disturbed by this little bit of information that he had just herd.

Chapter 3

*Pop*

_"What was that?!" _

_"AHHHHHH!"_

_"What the hell are you doing Krit."_

_"I love you!!"_

_"I'm not going to ask." _said Gwen as she moved her box away from Krit's basket.

*Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak* Krit was in her basket with her squeaky toy that come from somewhere with in Markel's room.

"What is she doing?" Cal asked of Gwen.

"I have no idea." Gwen said getting comfortable in her empty box of chocolate. Then both Gwen and Cal watched at a yellow headed alien thing started appearing over the edge of the basket with the sound effects from Krit humming the Jaw's theme song, _"Do, do, do, do, do, do, buna!" _ than Krit squeaked the thing and yelled, _"It got no legs!" _then the stuffed squeak toy disappeared into the basket to have more squeaking coming from it with laughing.

"I don't see how you put up with it." Cal said, "I'm also surprised that she hasn't waken up Sophie."

_"That woman snores so loud that she could shatter glass," _commented Gwen with her butt hanging out the open end of the box.

_"My legs are broken!" _yelled Krit from the basket. Both Gwen and Cal just looked at the basket sort of than heard Sophie wake up since she stopped snoring. Once Sophie had gotten dressed she was going to start cooking breakfast but when she looked in the cabinet's she saw that there was no food in the cabinets. So Sophie stalked up stairs and pretty much barged into to Markel's room yelling, "wake up Markel we are going shopping."

"I don't want to go," complained Markel but was dragged out of bed by Sophie, who then left Markel to get dressed.

_"Wow that was interesting,"_ said Gwen getting out of the box realizing that she wouldn't be able to sleep any more now that Sophie was up and moving.

Markel was soon down stairs dressed but still looking tired, "get ready Markel we are heading into town," then Sophie grabbed Krit's basket and was already heading out the door.

_"That was my basket," _complained Krit was still holding onto the weird alien thing that she had found in Markel's room.

_"When did you leave the basket?" Gwen asked._

_"I don't know."_ Then Markel ran out the door with his weird beard cloak thing on.

_"The house is now empty other than Howl!" _squealed Krit, as she ran up the stairs to Howl's room, only to find out that he was already in the shower, _**'why does he spend so much time in the shower.'**_She was about to open the door to the bathroom but something pulled on her tail.

_"Don't go in there you don't know what he is doing!" _said Gwen. _**'how did she get up the stairs' **_Krit thought but all she did was continue to pull of the handle. Krit started jiggling the handle faster but Gwen said, _"Maybe he is taking a crap or something"_

Krit stopped and thought about it for a second and with her ear pressed to the door, _"No I think he is taking a shower."_

_"Maybe he doesn't grunt like other people"_

_"Ewwwww, But I really do think he is just taking a shower."_

_"BUT HE IS NAKED!!"_

_"What's your point?" _asked Krit starting to jiggle the handle again. Krit could then feel herself being ripped a way from the door handle by her tail then thrown across the hall near the top of the stairs. Then Krit was tackled and the two flew across to the opposite wall and slid down to hit the floor.

_"You shall pay for that small fuzzy creature!" _Krit yelled.

_"Uh oh." _said Gwen as she then ran away screaming so fast that when she ran into the table that the leg busted. Krit was quick to follow but Gwen had started climbing up the book case. So Krit ran into the book caseand pretty much shattered the thing knocking Gwen off on to the hearth.

Krit was quick to follow, during this whole time Cal watched as the two ran around him kicking up ash in their wake. Then Gwen was caught and Krit ran over to the sink with Gwen pretty much choking.

_"Get down in that sink!" _Krit yelled as she shoved Gwen down the drain of the sink. _"We have a slight plumbing problem" _Krit yelled as she grabbed a stick and started beating Gwen with it, and laughed as she did so since Gwen sounded like her squeak toy. Once Gwen was down the drain of the sink Krit ran up to the bathroom to hear Howl talking to himself.

_**"I wonder what he is discussing with himself."**_ Krit thought, but never knew what because she was ninja kicked through the door when she tried opening it up. Krit had been kicked down stairs so hard that she dented the wall. Before Gwen could do a flying kick down on to Krit, Krit had grabbed a frying pan and said, _"Batters up!" _and when Gwen got close enough, Krit hit Gwen so hard with the pan that she went fly and got embedded into the wall, _"Help me I'm stuck!" _Gwen said trying to wiggle herself out of the wall.

Krit ran up to the bathroom now that Gwen wasn't getting out of the wall anytime soon and started mixing potions around. _**'A little of this, a little of that, and some of this,'**_ thought Krit as she mixed everything around and then replaced it with the bottle that Howl was going to use next.

Then she heard a load bang, so she ran down stairs to see what it was. Seeing that Gwen was still in the wall she started to wonder where the sound had come from.

_"GWEN! What made that sound?"_

_"I don't know I am in a wall dumb ass, and you would never be able to guess who put me here."  
". . . Calcifer?"_

_"Shit head, just get me out of the wall,"_ Krit then jumped up and pulled Gwen out of the wall, then they seem to realize what the room looked like.

_"Oh shit," _they said in unison.

_"Ok everything be clean and be all fixed and stuff!"_ yelled Krit and almost as soon as she said it everything put itself back together. This was a good thing see as right after everything was fixed Sophie and Markel came through the door.

_"What did you do in the bathroom!?"_  
_"Nothing," _said Krit innocently, but that was soon proved wrong with a scream coming from the bathroom followed by a lot of bumps and Howl at the top of the stairs with bright orange hair. Krit couldn't suppress a giggle as he started to scream and blame Sophie for what had happened.

_"You dyed his hair orange."_

_"I was going for pink, but in the end it was orange."_

_"He seems really upset."_

_"He's oozing," _laughed Krit as Howl started to drown Calcifer.

_"Now Sophie is throwing a fit to," commented Gwen.  
"You notice that the kid is the only one that isn't throwing a tantrum."_

_"Yah that is kind of sad really, well she has come back inside now."_

_"Ah the little frog mans broken," _said Krit in a very cheesy voice.

Chapter 4

After Markle cleaned Howl up and put him to bed Sophie went up to give him a cup of milk. Gwen and Krit followed. Upon entering the room Krit had one though, _**shiny!**_ Gwen had a very different thought; _**I want the cows on his bed.**_

Gwen jumped up onto the bed and hugged the cows as Krit was playing with a string of mushrooms randomly handing from the ceiling; however she soon discovered an eye in a clear pyramid and was more fascinated in that. While they enjoyed themselves, Sophie talked to Howl and more plot was put in. Then suddenly Howl flung himself forward, launching Gwen off of the bed and into the wall.

_"Damn it what is with me being flung into walls!"_

_"It is probably because you look kind of like a fuzzy soccer ball," _said Krit happily as she tried to get a dagger out of the wall. Still hanging onto the cow Gwen got out of the wall and hit Krit with it. Krit ran out of the room with a shiny string of mushrooms and hid up onto of the book case with it. In the end Gwen sat on a cow right bellow the shelves and waited for Krit to come down.

After a while Sophie and howl came down, Sophie in a nice dress and Howl looked like a sickly old person.

_"He is such a drama queen," _said Gwen looking at Howl.

_"I look like that in the winter morning," _observed Krit, looking at Howl, and then made a quick comment, _"looks like Sophie is going some ware, you should go Gwen."_  
_"Aren't you coming?" _askedGwen.

_"I will follow behind with Howl." _

_"Don't eat him," _saidGwenasshefollowedSophie_._

Sophie and Gwen walked up to the palace. Soon a old dog started to follow them. At first, Sophie thorough that it was Howl; however Gwen wasn't fooled.

_"Who are you?" _askedGwen_._

_"I am Sophie's royal escort," _said the old chicken legged rug. Just then a little couch thing came up next to Sophie.

_"That must be the phantom whale that Krit was talking about_."

When they finally got to the stairs Gwen levitated jut above the ground so that she could float up the stairs, and watched as Sophie and the whale had a sort of race up the stairs. _**Wow carrying the royal messenger and Sophie is still faster. I think the whale woman is going to sweat out all the liquid in her body. I am going to throw up if I have to watch this much longer.**_

Luckily for Gwen she didn't have to watch for very long, seeing as they had finally reached the top of the stairs. Giving her a cane Sophie actually helped her a little bit. Gwen and _'the royal messenger' _made "pleasant" conversation and followed as they walked through the palace.

_"The old woman might not make it out of this palace alive," _said the royal messenger.

_"And this concerns me how?" _said Gwen in a bored tone._  
"Don't you care?!"_

_"Not particularly, no?"_

_"That is a very cold thing to say."_

_"Shut up and go away, you smell like an old persons bed pan." _With that Gwen started walking a little faster to get away from the chicken dog.

Being very offended the dog stuck his nose up in the air. Not being annoyed bythe bed pan dog she got the chance to look around. The old whale was sitting in a chair, not really sitting more like morphing into it. The dog ran off in a different direction; normally Gwen wouldn't have followed but Sophie followed so, so did Gwen. Suddenly a boy opened the wall and beckoned them in. _**It looks like Howl! Only brainwashed and. . . I wonder why the words genetically, altered, and clone some to my mind.**_

They soon learned that 'the royal messenger' was in fact an arranged dog. Gwen looked at the dog with an amused expression; the dog just coughed. Gwen then looked at the women in the big puffy chair. _**I can almost see the evil radiating off this woman.**_

All of a sudden the old whale was wheeled into the room. _**DEAR LORD!! WHAT THE HELL, I THOUGHT SHE WAS UGLY BEFOR BUT NOW!!! **_Gwen shuddered as the old prune started to sob and pull of Sophie. Just then someone walked in from outside. The only reason Gwen new who it was, was because Krit was on his shoulder wearing a similar outfit and hat.

_"Hey Gwen check out my spiffy hat!" _said Krit while jumping down to Gwen.

_"You look like a retard,"_ said Gwen looking at Krit. Then Krit picked up Gwen jumped back up onto Howl's shoulder. _"What are you doing?!" _Gwen yelled at Krit.

_"We can't make a dramatic escape if were on the ground."_ Suddenly water rushed at them and then they were suddenly in the air. Gwen started to scream_. "Dude chill out it is an illusion," _said Krit calmly.

_"Even the part wear Howl is turning into a giant bird thing?" _said Gwen in a very sarcastic voice.

_"What?" _looking down Krit saw what she meant then screamed, _"holly shit!" _then jumped on to Sophie's shoulder instead. All of a sudden they were flying up and out of the room they were in, Gwen herd Krit mumble _"up, up and away."_ Gwen rolled her eyes as they landed on a plain thing. Krit ran to the very front of it and sat there. Gwen decided that Sophie's lap was much safer then the front. She found that she was right as the plain turned shapely on its side throwing Krit off. _**I wonder if she is dead,**_ though Gwen as she curled up and fell asleep on Sophie's lap.

Krit however wasn't dead, had had fallen outside of the house. She ran in really quick and herd Calcifer yell, "your lucky I was about to shut the portal for good."

_"Well it is a good thing that you didn't, or just might have had to kill you,"_ said Krit finding her basket in the corner and curling up in it.

"Hey ware is everyone?" said Calcifer once he noticed that she was the only one that came into the house.

"_Well I am pretty sure Markle is up in his room."_

"No ware is Sophie, Howl and Gwen!?"

_"Oh lets see Howl is being chased by crazy people on a plane, and the others are riding here on a different plain," _with that Krit said no more and went to sleep. Around nightfall a huge crash woke her up, looking up she saw the plain had crashed into the side of the house/giant junk bug. She ran up to and was greeted by and old woman and a dog, making her fall backwards screaming, _"DON'T LET THE GOLBIN EAT ME!!"_

_"Would you just shut up"_ said Gwen as she crawled out of the rubble. Then she walked up to Krit and grumbled, _"How the hell did you get back before us!?"_

_"I fell in front of the door."_

_"You suck, I am getting tired of being a mole, I need a bath, I am going to kill you if you don't change us back!!" _yelled Gwen throwing a bit of a tantrum on the ground wiggling on her back on the floor.

_"Are you done?"_ asked Krit watching Gwen settle down.

_"Yes," _was all that Gwen said.

_"Well you will be glad to hear that _ _I have almost finished fixing the remote so that we can back into are own world and bodies."_

_"Fine." _With that both of them went to sleep, only to be woken up by Sophie moving around in the main room. It looked like she was trying to get the plain out of the living room. Krit started to make porridge and Gwen looked disgusted.

_"What is that?"_

_"Food."_

_"No one is going to eat that,"_ said Gwen. To her surprise and disgust, everyone started to eat it. _"You people make me sick." _

_"Just because you don't like it doesn't mean much, seeing as you are very picky." _said Krit looking up from her bowl. Gwen was about to pour the pot of hot porridge on her smug head when all of a sudden Howl came down the stairs.

_"Hey Krit look at how high his pants are, and his shirt is tucked into his pants," _giggled Gwen as she looked at Howl. Krit snickered in her bowl as Howl greeted everyone. He even patted Krit and Gwen on the head.

_"I think he just realized that we are here," _said Krit.

_"That really is sad; I have seen drunken people that were more observant then him."_

They then realized that there was something going on. Howl was making little marks all over the place, and was talking about moving. This made them uneasy, Krit grabbed her basket, and Gwen grabbed her chocolate box, and watched from the table.

_"Hey Cal what is going on, this isn't like any kind of moving that I have ever seen?" _Krit asked looking around.

"We are just opening more portals, so that we can go to different places."

_"Seems like a lot of work for just opening a portal," _said Gwen.

"I takes a lot of work to open a portal," said Calcifer defensively. Krit and Gwen just looked at each other and shrugged. Calcifer had the feeling that he was being made fun of. Soon everything was taken care of and everyone, except for Howl, and Calcifer were on the table.

As Howl was being dramatic Gwen asked Krit a question, "is this all really necessary?"

"Not for just moving people, but he is changing the house so maybe; however I wouldn't know seeing as I have never made a portal like this. But I don't think I would do it so flashily."

"Yeah he like being dramatic doesn't he, but he isn't tearing a rip in reality and jumping dimensions like we do."

"Good point, why I think he is done." Looking around they seeing that there were was quite a few things different, but at the same time there were a lot of things that were the same. Markle and the dog/chicken thing started to run around. Everyone started to look around. Krit when to the bathroom and looked at the toilet.

_"What are you doing?" _asked Gwen while trying to get off the table.

_"I saw the toilet paper shoot out of the toilet!" _said Krit.

_"Stop hallucinating, Howl and Sophie are going somewhere," _said Gwen trying to follow them. Krit picked her up and followed. The door opened up into a field with pools of water and flowers in it. Sophie loved it, and Gwen then jumped down and started to dig up flowers.

_"What are you doing?"_ asked Krit watching Gwen destroy parts of the field.

_"I like digging, I'm a mole, why don't you do things that foxes do or what ever,"_ said Gwen as she continued to dig up flowers and grass.

_"Foxes don't like open fields."_ With that Krit curled up in front of the door.

_"Sophie and Howl are leaving shouldn't we follow them?"_

_"Why, they have to come back eventually, and they seem like they are having fun together,"_ said Krit lazily.

Gwen then started to sing, _"Howl like older women."_ Both of them started to snicker, and eventually just laughing uncontrollably. Then they noticed that they were flying for some reason.

_"He must really like turning into a bird," _saidKrit. Then they noticed that Howl had let go of Sophie.

Gwen looked up and screamed, _"IT'S RAINING OLD PEOPLE, IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE! WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!" _Krit and Gwen ran through the door, leaving it open for Sophie; so that she landed on the stairs.

The rest of the day was rather dull, compared to what they had been used to, until later in the night they herd air rade sirens. Krit and Gwen watched the flying blob people form the window, they didn't get much sleep that night.

The next morning, they saw a lot of traffic in the streets but what caught there attention was the women that decided to run through the house.Krit ran and hid under the table from the evil women.

_"What is so creepy ago her?" _asked Gwen looking at Krit.

_"That's the lady the sews dead animals to hats!"_ hissed Krit, as Gwen decided to hide under the table as well.

_"hey she accidentally left her purse here,"_ noticed Gwen.

_"Accidentally on purpose"_ said Krit as they watched Sophie walk the women out. Then suddenly the senile old witch jumped up and started digging through the purse. Pulling out a black worm thing and fed it to Cal, he started choking instantly.

_"I think she just killed him,"_ said Gwen. As the witch started to smoke, then everyone was choking.

_"I think I am going to die!" _whined Krit as she fell to the floor and started thrashing. Gwen also started to choke but much less dramatically, also noticing that the dog was out to, _**she cleared the room in 5 seconds**_. The only ones that didn't seem to notice were the Witch and Markle.

Then the house started shaking. This combined with the smell made Krit vomit in the corner. Gwen just bounced up and down and squeaked each time she fit the ground.

_"I would find that hilarious if I didn't feel like shit," _said Krit getting her balance and looking at Gwen.

_"Fuck *squeak* you *squeak*"_ this made Krit laugh until the house stopped shaking. They saw Sophie run outside, and decided to watch from the window.

_"Wow that's the stupidest thing I think she has done so far," _observed Krit.

_"Were going to die aren't we," _said Gwen.

_"Most likely."_ just then they saw Howl stop a bomb in from of the window, but he didn't stop the shock wave; which shook the house and broke the window that Krit and Gwen were in front of. Throwing them backwards into the wall. Slowly they slid down from the wall.

_"Holy shit,"_ said Gwen as she got up.

_"If that hadn't been so painful, it would have been kind of fun,"_ Krit said while trying to get up.

_"My god your stupid." _Flying in Howl brought Calcifer back from his smoldering pile of ashes. The took the evil cigar from the witch. "_You notice, that the smoke never touches him."_

_"Except when it is put out in his hand. That must have really hurt. Why is he telling us to stay inside?" _

_"Because he is a moron who think that a wooden house is going to save us," _said Gwen bitterly, as she hid under an open book that had fallen onto the floor. They saw Sophie run outside again, chasing after Howl. _"Didn't he just say to stay inside?"_

_"Well she has already come back so it doesn't matter,"_ Krit was now under he overturned basket. Sophie changed the setting on the door and was making everyone go outside. Gwen rolled out the door, and a basket with a fox tail followed. They could hear Calcifer yelling at Sophie; as she walked out of the house with him on a stove shovel, making the castle fall apart.

_"My box is still inside!"_ with that Gwen ran into the ruble for her box.

_"It's just a chocolate box you can always get a new one,"_ said Krit trying to follow her. Soon realizing she couldn't, Krit followed the scarecrow the other entrance; inside she found Gwen in her box.

_"Took you long enough."_

_"Why wasn't that box crushed when everything fell apart?" _asked Krit looking at the still intact box.

_"It's a magic box," _Gwen said smiling. Suddenly the castle was moving again.

_"Wooh, go Calcifer!"_ cheered Krit looking at Cal as he made the castle loose some weight and get moving. The movement made Gwen fall out of her box; which then fell out of the hole in the floor.

_"My box!" _sobbed Gwen as she watched her box fall to its death. Krit was about to laugh at her but the castle started shacking more. Looking over both of them noticed the senile old witch attacking Calcifer.

_"Were all going to die!"_ cried Krit as the house fell apart. Sophie, Gwen, Krit , and the mop with legs fell down a mountain side in a pile of metal.

Gwen woke up a few seconds later, crawling out from under a sheet o metal, she saw Sophie just sitting there; _**I wonder if Krit is dead?**_ Her though was interrupted but some movement behind her.

Krit rose out of the metal like in a cheesy horror movie yelling, _"I LIVE!" _As she jumped down to ware Gwen was, the dog crawled towards Sophie who started to cry.

_"Her eyes are like faucets,"_ said Krit in amazement.

_"Wonder if she noticed the like coming from her hand?" _said Gwen, looking to the place the light had been pointing to and waddled over towards it. Soon Sophie joined them and moved the sheet of metal that had covered up the front door. Opening it up to a black abyss, everyone walked in.It was kind of like a zero gravity room; and it made Gwen feel uneasy, then she herd Krit humming the Twilight Zone theme song.

_"Welcome to the Twilight Zone. Were. . . ."_

_"Krit, shut up."_

_"Were a mysterious mole has the ability to suck the fun out of a room just by being there."_ If she was going to say anything else we will never know, because Gwen head butted her in the stomach, as the entered a cottage. _"We have finally arrived!" _gasped Krit.

Soon they went outside and watched the falling stars. Sophie started to run out into the field. Gwen was trying to get Krit's attention, _"come on, we need to follow her."_

_"Fine,"_ with that they started to follow, but Krit got stuck in the mud and started to sink. _"I'm dieing. I'm dieing!!" _Gwen tried to pull Krit free, but then noticed that Sophie was being pulled into a black hole thing that had opened up. Grabbing Krit by the tail, she flew into the black hole with Sophie and the chicken dog.

_"I knew you could fly! How did you do that?"_

_"If I told you I would have to kill you."_

_"Were falling to earth! Back from outer space!" _ They were following the dog now, Gwen no longer hanging onto Krit's tail. Jumping out of the black hole Krit and Gwen saw what looked like a giant mop dog, made out of feathers.

_"Wow, pretty boy aint so pretty anymore," _laughed Gwen looking at Howl.

_"Well he is now serving as transportation, hop on before he fly's away,"_ Krit grabbed Gwen and the jumped onto his back. _"Fly my minion! FLY!" _yelled Krit looking around. _"This would be way funnier if I had a whip."_

Gwen ignored Krit as the landed on a what was left of the castle. As they landed Howl puffed, and all his feathers flew away. _"I BROKE HIM!!!" _screeched Krit.

Gwen punched Krit again and said, "he isn't dead you moron." they watched as Sophie gave Howl his heart, and Calcifer flew away. Suddenly there walking floor lurched and Gwen could think of only one thing to say, "Oh this is bad." Falling down the side of the mountain they were all rattled all to hell, but the magic scarecrow saved them and they finally came to a stop.

_"Dear god why aren't we dead!"_ said Krit getting out from under Markl.

_"Because god likes to see us suffer,"_ Gwen said crawling out from the bottom of the pile. Sophie then gave the scarecrow a kiss for saving him, then he started shacking.

_"Look out he's going to blow!"_ yelled Krit grabbing Gwen and hiding behind the witch. Then he just turned into a human, _"Oh damn he didn't explode,"_ said Krit sounding very disappointed.

_"Krit."_

_"Yes Gwen."  
"Is the remote fixed?"_

_"Why?"_

_"Because if it get anymore cheese I think I just might die." _

_"Fine."_ Krit pulled her remote out of thin air and pressed a button to open up a portal that would take them some place far away.

Right before jumping in Gwen had a question for Krit, "Hey when did you fix that, we might have been able to get out of here a lot sooner?" Krit didn't answer her, just kind of sat there. "Krit, When did you fix it?" this said with much more force.

_". . .I had it fixed by the second day hee hee hope your not mad at me. . ." _Looking over Krit saw Gwen's eye twitch, then she started to levitate and electricity came from her. Krit jumped into the portal screaming, _"SUPER LIGHTENING MOLE!!"_

_**The End**_

A/N: So I resubmitted this because I wanted to make a few corrections and all that fun shit. I mean re-reading this I was like "holy crap how could I have made THAT mistake?" and yeah you get the picture.


End file.
